How things have turned out

Well, about a month later and my trajectory in life has diverged from what I had planned. I currently have a job at the San Francisco International Airport. I am still in the training phase, but should be able to start work in about a week. I will be a customer service agent for Singapore Airlines, my duties including checking departing passengers in and greeting arriving passengers. I hope that shenanigans are abound in this occupation. The people I will meet, the international atmosphere of the airport, should make my life a little more interesting. Everyday I'm there I hear at least 4 languages, two of which I don't recognize. This job should also motivate me in my linguistic pursuits, which I have yet to truly embark on with any gusto. Quite ashamed of it actually.

Which brings me to write about my state of mind.
I am a wisp of the person that I used to be. My temper is as ill as ever. To people with my emotional profile they usually say I am the only one who I can help myself. And that might have been true 2 or even 1 year ago, but I feel that this is less the case now. I simply cannot find interest in things, or at least enough to have me reading about it past the 5th page, or attending it past the first visit. My apathy also has to do with aptitude - I am not as sharp a person as I once was. The complexity and depth of my thoughts, the urgency of my interests, are no longer there. I have been thinking and writing about this for the past two years now, so I guess it is a downward spiral, self fulfilling prophecy, what have you. Perhaps the only solution would be to go through the motions of what I clearly know to be my best course of action, and hopefully my zest for things will come roaring back to life. I doubt it though. I don't know how to talk to people. I don't like people. I am very judgmental. It's just an uphill climb over a sanddune, that I almost know I will never conquer.