lights at the end of the tunnnel second edition

1. rent. of course.

2. storage room payments. i need to start footing some of this, and downsize as wel.

3. mma gym membership. i did get a membership for three months from Nov to Feb, but had to stop for lack of funds.

4. ticket to nyc. still haven't gone. i'm hoping to make it there in the spring next year.

5. a chipotle burrito. already got one since the first edition. I realized chipotle's hella overrated.

6. new running gear

7. dinner for the grandparents. funny thing is, i've treated a bunch of people to things beyond my means, and still haven't taken my grandparents out to dinner. i fail.

8. library fines. I've barely made a dent.

9. fishing licence not that keen anymore.

9. museum memberships. still holding out. the biggest egyptian museum on the left coast is a block away from my apt, i still haven't gone.

10. 1978 Ford Bronco. they've lots their appeal

85.visit to a japanese host club. of course this implies the ticket to japan and board, but i have a feeling that expense wanes pitifully next to that of the club visit itself.

SAVINGS GOALS

Shorter term (1-3 mths)

monitor/laptop. i can no longer type on my laptop. which is annoying. $130/$700

EMS-related fees. It's gonna take about 100 dollars more to be able to get an EMT job in California. And there aren't even that many jobs available, and starting pay is shitty. Why did I bother? $100

speakers. so that I can listen to music while being more than 3 feet away from my computer. $50

guitar. it's been 4 years since I first picked up a guitar, and I never made it past learning the basic chords. $150

Short term savings goal: $430 - $1130, $140 - $370/ mth,

Longer term (3-6 mths)

move. i'm not happy with the place i live in. it's old, it's crummy. the bathroom is poorly ventilated so mold keeps growing back and i have to spray it off, resulting in epic inhalations of Tilex. $1000

ticket to New York - plus how much i plan on spending while there, this will set me back $800

Long term savings goal: $1800

Short + Long term goal = $2930, about $500/mth

My rent is $425

So I will have to make at least $925/mth to reach these goals ( still have to pay for food, gas, expenses). I make 11.22/hr (after taxes) so that means 83 hrs of work a month, which is somewhat realistic, since I work 20hrs/week give or take a couple.

Even longer term (6mths - year)

kitchenaid mixer. my 20 year old Oster just doesn't cut it anymore. $300

food processor. i yearn for the means to make pesto on the fly. $50-$90

How things have turned out

Well, about a month later and my trajectory in life has diverged from what I had planned. I currently have a job at the San Francisco International Airport. I am still in the training phase, but should be able to start work in about a week. I will be a customer service agent for Singapore Airlines, my duties including checking departing passengers in and greeting arriving passengers. I hope that shenanigans are abound in this occupation. The people I will meet, the international atmosphere of the airport, should make my life a little more interesting. Everyday I'm there I hear at least 4 languages, two of which I don't recognize. This job should also motivate me in my linguistic pursuits, which I have yet to truly embark on with any gusto. Quite ashamed of it actually.

Which brings me to write about my state of mind.
I am a wisp of the person that I used to be. My temper is as ill as ever. To people with my emotional profile they usually say I am the only one who I can help myself. And that might have been true 2 or even 1 year ago, but I feel that this is less the case now. I simply cannot find interest in things, or at least enough to have me reading about it past the 5th page, or attending it past the first visit. My apathy also has to do with aptitude - I am not as sharp a person as I once was. The complexity and depth of my thoughts, the urgency of my interests, are no longer there. I have been thinking and writing about this for the past two years now, so I guess it is a downward spiral, self fulfilling prophecy, what have you. Perhaps the only solution would be to go through the motions of what I clearly know to be my best course of action, and hopefully my zest for things will come roaring back to life. I doubt it though. I don't know how to talk to people. I don't like people. I am very judgmental. It's just an uphill climb over a sanddune, that I almost know I will never conquer.

Several things I have in the works right now:

Volunteering as GED tutor for Each One Reach One. Reforming the incarcerated is a cause that I feel pretty strongly about. This program would allow me to tutor individuals in a juvenile detention facility. Juvenile offenders are much younger, their minds more malleable and their entire lives still ahead of them, so it's important to intervene at that time before they continue on the same path and end up with more serious offenses in real prison. I hope to move on to helping with the education of adult inmates, which in my mind seems more challenging.

Volunteering at Full Circle Farms in Sunnyvale - I have this dream of owning and living off of a farm some day. I would raise my children on it and grow old on it. It's rather a romantic notion, and operating a farm is probably a much more challenging endeavor than I'd like to admit to myself. Nonetheless, I feel the need to prepare for it. I need farm experience, and living in San Jose, the primary avenues by which I may find experiences is either commuting to morgan hill/gilroy, or to sunnyvale. Sunnyvale it is!

EMT application - This has taken me forever. I should never put something that is so important off for so long. The next steps are to take my ambulance driver certification test, get my physical done, get livescanned, put my documents together, and submit it for a county license. I also need to review the course material. An EMT job would definitely change my situation financially. 16/hr for 30 hours a week is over 400 dollars a week after taxes. I could definitely move out within a month or two at most, pay back debts, etc.

As part of my EMT pursuits, I need to get my feet wet in Vietnamese, and improve my Spanish so as to better communicate with potential patients. With respect to Vietnamese, I am considering enrolling in Vietnamese class this fall at a community college. Improving my Spanish may involve volunteer work where I interface with many Spanish speakers. Sacred Heart Community Services? CET?

SJPD Volt - Being a volunteer for the SJPD

Sighh...

Well apparently, overseas Chinese are the last to be allowed to apply to volunteer during the Beijing Olympics, like we're bloody outcasts.I can only apply in March. People in Beijing, including foreigners, get to apply...today. Next come the people in other provinces, people in HK and Taiwan, and lastly...me. I find it kind of insulting. They say they need 10000 volunteers. With a population like China's, my chances look like shit. All I can say is...I'm heartbroken.

I also miss Singapore and China and everywhere else that I was in August 2005 like a mother. It's like, all I think about. I want to see my friends, go hiking in weirdass looking mountains, eat food from street vendors,...fuck, being in the heart of Silicon Valley is highly, highly overrated.

I am one psychological mess right now. Sighh....

And so the story goes...